the last two weeks: being sick and not at home
A lot has happened the last two weeks! I spent one of them with a new family in a rural village. The last one was spent getting my internship up and running and actually doing homework. I think I also experienced a bit of a slump that I'm emerging from today.
My family was unbelievably kind in Theis. Everything they did was out of concern for my comfort and well being. Teranga through the roof!! Although I was incredibly grateful, I found myself feeling also otherized and unwelcome in a weird way. I think I've just been away from home long enough to no longer want to feel like a guest. One of my favorite moments was when my little brother stole some of the fish that was in my portion of the bowl. I wasn't really looking to be catered to. This was difficult because I didn't want to seem ungrateful.
Seriously. They were SO nice.
I mean, they measured me and got a dress made for me.
And as they measured me, I cried a little bit because I felt like I didn't deserve it!!! I felt so moody and homesick!!! I felt homesick for home and also homesick for Dakar! I even made my host mom in Dakar an embroidered rose that said mere on it. Like a kid drawing their mom a picture at school because they miss her so much!
I think a big reason the rural visit was hard for me was because I didn't have phone service. I didn't realize how much being able to stay connected virtually to loved ones buffers the pain of being away from them. At one point I managed to get a phone call through to my mom. I began word vomiting and after a minute I realized it had already cut out. Water works. I mean cmon.
I tried texting her, asking if she could make sure my credit card payment went through, and like a mirage, some optical oasis seen only through the eyes of a lost herdsman in the Sahara, I thought I saw it say "message sent." It did not. In fact, it said, "message not sent. saved to outbox." So that was that.
It was a weird feeling that I've never felt before. Being away from home and then temporarily away from your home away from home. A home-ception if you will, that actually started in May for me, when I moved back to New Orleans for the summer.
When I got back to Dakar I felt better and far more confident in my French. The week started as usual, but the heat felt different. It's October. The hottest month of the year, each day hotter than the last, and my power kept going out. I kept waking up and not being able to fall back asleep due to the heat. Then I got heat rash! THEN I got a stomach bug!!! Okay. So not the best week. But I'm better today and the heat rash is fading.
I'm realizing the symbiotic relationship between physical and emotional health. How throwing up sometimes feels just like homesickness, and how one can aggravate or even instigate the other. Send me love please <33333
My family was unbelievably kind in Theis. Everything they did was out of concern for my comfort and well being. Teranga through the roof!! Although I was incredibly grateful, I found myself feeling also otherized and unwelcome in a weird way. I think I've just been away from home long enough to no longer want to feel like a guest. One of my favorite moments was when my little brother stole some of the fish that was in my portion of the bowl. I wasn't really looking to be catered to. This was difficult because I didn't want to seem ungrateful.
Seriously. They were SO nice.
I mean, they measured me and got a dress made for me.
And as they measured me, I cried a little bit because I felt like I didn't deserve it!!! I felt so moody and homesick!!! I felt homesick for home and also homesick for Dakar! I even made my host mom in Dakar an embroidered rose that said mere on it. Like a kid drawing their mom a picture at school because they miss her so much!
I think a big reason the rural visit was hard for me was because I didn't have phone service. I didn't realize how much being able to stay connected virtually to loved ones buffers the pain of being away from them. At one point I managed to get a phone call through to my mom. I began word vomiting and after a minute I realized it had already cut out. Water works. I mean cmon.
I tried texting her, asking if she could make sure my credit card payment went through, and like a mirage, some optical oasis seen only through the eyes of a lost herdsman in the Sahara, I thought I saw it say "message sent." It did not. In fact, it said, "message not sent. saved to outbox." So that was that.
It was a weird feeling that I've never felt before. Being away from home and then temporarily away from your home away from home. A home-ception if you will, that actually started in May for me, when I moved back to New Orleans for the summer.
When I got back to Dakar I felt better and far more confident in my French. The week started as usual, but the heat felt different. It's October. The hottest month of the year, each day hotter than the last, and my power kept going out. I kept waking up and not being able to fall back asleep due to the heat. Then I got heat rash! THEN I got a stomach bug!!! Okay. So not the best week. But I'm better today and the heat rash is fading.
I'm realizing the symbiotic relationship between physical and emotional health. How throwing up sometimes feels just like homesickness, and how one can aggravate or even instigate the other. Send me love please <33333
I see my original response deleted. I am so sorry you had such a difficult time and were feeling so sick. Please know that I am sending lots of LOVE !!! You are no different then most people...we like to be home when we are sick. Hope you are doing better and know that you are missed more than you know. XOXXO Love You. Auntie Rita
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